Procrastination

This is me now^
I have nothing at all to say here except I am very tired and have a very long essay to write. Those two things are incompatible. I promised myself I would write this assignment today. But I haven't. I have however, found some references to use. I think that's a job well done! ~end most boring blog ever~

Such a beautiful realization

Of recent times I have had a bit of trouble at work. Just some bitchiness with a bunch of idiots. I can see it as that now. When it first started though I was unbelievably upset about it. I think this was largely because I work there so much I was afraid it would have a real impact on my day to day life. I did some really silly things as a result of this, I was very down, more than I have been for quite some time. I have always known deep down that I have my perfect boyfriend there to support me through anything and everything but it just had not really clicked solidly. I guess I thought that if I ever was very upset for an extended period of time he would tire of it pretty quickly and lose interest in me- not a nice thought to have!
I don't know what changed. I don't know what happened exactly for me to come to my senses. But I did.
It's just a simple realization but a really beautiful one... I don't need my partner to help me get through things like that, because I don't need to get upset about them in the first place when I have him. I don't need anything or anyone as long as I have him. He makes me so perfectly happy. I can go into work for a huge shift now, surrounded by bitchiness and abusive customers and still be smiling because I know that I'll get to go home at the end of the day and be wrapped in his warm and loving arms- absolute bliss.
Bitches, come at me.

Who doesn't like to feel inspired?

A good 7 months ago now, I started to make note of some inspirational,thought-provoking and just plain warm and fuzzy quotes. These may not be everyone's cup of tea but they do something for me. Many of them relate to a personal experience or a reoccurring thought I have had.

I am often asked "what are you thinking about?". For some this may be a simple question and sometimes for me it can be, but often I have a lot going on in my head and the more important those thoughts are to me and the closer I hold them to my heart, the harder I find it to express them.

"Sometimes our special ones nearness just takes our breath away... And all the things we want to say to them can find no voice. Then, in silence, we can only hope our eyes will speak our hearts."

- Robert Sexton

This next quote is a very popular one that I believe can apply to every person. I personally find it very reassuring in times of trial.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together."

- Marilyn Monroe

I do not know who wrote the next quote but I do know I owe them a lot! Often when I feel overcome with love and emotions I withdraw myself- a bad habit of mine. I feel so lucky and so happy that it just simply cannot last and I just expect something to go wrong. But then I think, so what? If something does go wrong, at least you had the most amazing time when it was right.

"Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely."

I believe very strongly in the power of thought and in the law of attraction. I believe if you have a need or want that is very pure in its nature, you can draw that need or want to you.

"The predominant thought or the mental attitude is the magnet, and the law is that like attracts like, consequently, the mental attitude will invariably attract such conditions as correspond to its nature."

- Charles Haanel

We all have our strengths and weaknesses, our good and bad points. One of my less admirable qualities is definitely my ability to become overemotional. This generally occurs when I have a vested interest in the relevant problem. For example, I self sabotage. And I know I do. I will want something so much that my behaviour will do everything but guarantee myself to obtain it. I think my partner has had to experience this a few too many times. This quote/song lyric really outlines how I feel about it all, and how I feel about him in the most simple way possible.

"I get kind of dark, let it go too far, I can be obnoxious at times but try and see my heart, 'cause I need you now, so don't let me down, you are the only thing in this world I would die without."

- Adam Lambert

When a disagreement occurs I think many people keep it going purely out of pride- and the fear of losing theirs. There was a time when I did something quite wrong in the eyes of someone else but not in my own. A bad argument resulted and I found it very hard to back down. But then a song containing these lyrics came on and everything was put into perspective for me. It was as simple as accepting that behaviour of mine as being wrong because I could not bare to lose that person.

"Pride can stand a thousand trials, the strong will never fall, but watching stars without you my soul cries"

- Des'ree

And the final quote for now. Chris...

“There is no moment of my life when you are not a part of me; you hold my heart; you guard my soul; you guide my dreams so tenderly
And if my will might be done, and all I long for could come true, with perfect joy I would choose to share eternity with you.”

- Robert Sexton

A Fresh Start...

I had almost forgotten this old blog of mine. By the looks of it I set it up initially for the purpose of venting, and knowing me I can almost guarantee this as true.
But two years is a very long time and so much has changed- where I am, who I am, and where I want to be.
Feels like time for a fresh start.