Who do you think you are?

Last night I had just had enough. For so long I had put up with the taunts and the insults and the smartarse comments all disguised as jokes. But enough is enough.

Jealous prat. Grow a brain and grow up.

Who do you think you are to ruin the nice time that I try to enjoy there? All I have ever done is tried with you. Taken time out where I could be doing other things to be your friend and look out for you.  And this is how you repay me.

You can dish it out but you can’t take it. I asked nicely for you to just back down but you got your jocks in a knot about it- first sign that you know you are in the wrong, just too proud to admit it.

You frustrate me to the point of exhaustion. I have a right to feel comfortable and not on edge. Keep your unfortunately oversized proboscis out of our business. Do not comment on things that have nothing to do with you. And for goodness sake- get a proper girlfriend so you can get over the fact everyone else has a right to be happy.

Over it

I realised something about myself tonight. I am like Steven- with Nevets- but the one person. If Steven gets just a little bit provoked in anyway, Nevets comes out to play. I am so easily angered because I am so easily hurt. My anger is a barrier I put up- like a shield to protect myself. I feel if I get just a tiny bit hurt its best to go for the kill before they finish me off. Better you than me.

My insecurities are my downfall. I tell myself I won’t trust anyone but I usually trust them too much straight away. It’s only after they stuff me over- and they all do- that I draw my trust back. I must come across too nice, too forgiving. They all lie to me, I get angry and very hurt- so, so hurt- then I forgive them and it happens all over again. Why? How is this fair? All I ask for is the truth.

Once the truth about an issue hasn’t been told to me after many lies, anymore truths on the topic make me furious. I condition myself that the topic is a very bad one that has caused pain so nothing can ever be spoken civically about it again. Would never get to that point if I was never lied to in the first place! I am actually a very reasonable person.

They ask me what’s wrong. Act like I over react. It’s not rocket science- just don’t lie. I give you my soul on a platter, open up to you and I’m expected to not get upset when you’re a lying closed book?

It makes me feel like they are hiding something from me. This feeds my insecurities. Makes me worry.  It shoots down any scrap of self esteem I had and makes me doubt myself. People are so selfish- look what you do to me. It’s a never ending circle and the more it happens the worse it gets. In effect you’re only hurting yourself.